Tag Archives: JOKES

THE SEVEN YEAR COMPLAINER

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A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He’s allowed to say only two words every 7 years. After the first 7 years, the elders bring him in and ask him for his 2 words. “Cold floors,” he says.

They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. He clears his throat and says, “Bad food.

They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say… “You’ve done nothing but complain since you’ve been here! “

HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR INSANITY

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1.   In  the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write  For Marijuana.
2.  Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with  a serious face. 
3.  Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is To  Go.
4.  Sing Along At The Opera. 
5.  Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend
Their Party  Because You have a  headache. 
6.  When  Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,
Yelling Run  For Your Lives! They’re Loose!    
7. Tell  Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The  Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You  Go.           
8.  PICK UP A BOX  OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY,
GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE  FITTING ROOM IS. 

TICKETS

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I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner. 

IT ALL BEGAN WITH AN IPHONE

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It all began with an iPhone…

March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?

IPHONEI celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

IPADMy daughter’s birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.

IPOD TOUCHSeptember came by, so for her birthday I got my wife an iRon.
IRONIt was around then that the fight started . . .
What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital by Thursday!