HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR INSANITY

1.   In  the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write  For Marijuana.
2.  Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with  a serious face. 
3.  Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is To  Go.
4.  Sing Along At The Opera. 
5.  Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend
Their Party  Because You have a  headache. 
6.  When  Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,
Yelling Run  For Your Lives! They’re Loose!    
7. Tell  Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The  Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You  Go.           
8.  PICK UP A BOX  OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY,
GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE  FITTING ROOM IS. 

HOW RUBBER GLOVES ARE MADE

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was

nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

‘Do you know how they make these gloves?’ he asked.

‘No, I don’t,’ she replied.  

‘Well,’ he spoofed, ‘there’s a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.’  

She didn’t crack a smile.’Oh, well. I tried,’ he thought.  

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

‘What’s so funny?’ he asked, ‘I was just envisioning how condoms are made !’

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!

Be afraid of old ladies:  be VERY afraid, as they have been there and done everything!

SUBMITTED BY: G-ADAMS